Lighten Up: Garrett, Kaine crack jokes at fundraising event

Sen. Tom Garrett, R-Buckingham, poked some fun at his colleagues Thursday during the Virginia Public Access Project's annual fundraiser: "Lighten Up, It's Just Politics."

Garrett served as master of ceremonies for the roast-style event with U.S. Sen. Tim Kaine appearing as keynote speaker.

The event — which raised money for the nonpartisan VPAP — included rolling out a blooper reel of the 2015 General Assembly session (listen for a mention of Sen. Steve Newman about 42 seconds in).

Garrett and Kaine both lobbed good-natured zingers at their fellow politicians during their remarks.

Below is a rundown of some of Garrett's quips. For more on the event, check out RTD's write-up here.

» Garrett noted he wasn’t the first choice for Thursday’s master of ceremonies gig. Del. Peter Farrell, son of Dominion CEO Thomas Farrell, was asked but bowed out citing work commitments.

“Work? Peter?," Garrett said with a titter. "You can hire somebody to count the money for you, Peter. Did dad need the lawn cut?”

» "VPAP kind of pulled the wool over my eyes a little bit. They told me that I would be roasting an Irish Catholic governor of Virginia who ran the DNC into the ground, and I don’t see Terry McAuliffe anywhere."

» “ISIS? ISIL? I don’t know which one. Where is Dick Black when you need him?”

» "We wanted to invite Phil Puckett today, Sen. Phil Puckett, but we called him and he kept asking about tickets for his daughter. He wouldn’t let it go."

» "Speaking of Ryan McDougle [pictured below]: The Incredible Hulk called. He wants his hairstyle back."

» "Gov. McAuliffe once wrestled an alligator for a $10,000 political contribution. After which, the alligator complained that he felt slimy."

» "Taking a lecture on political gifts from Gov. McAuliffe is kind of like getting checkbook-balancing advice from Dick Saslaw — the only guy I know who could lose $600,000, not miss it and then have to be told by the FBI that it’s no longer there. That is fiscal responsibility writ large."

» "You realize, of course, that simply saying Joe Morrissey’s name itself is not, oh who am I kidding? He makes it too easy. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel — or posing in period regalia for a prom photo when you’re 57."

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